A father's pride knows no bounds

 Leigh and Heather Xmas 2008

Here we are only a month into 2010, and all Hell is breaking loose in the vacuous darkness of my twisted - some would say damaged - brain.

Leigh has accepted Aaron's proposal of marriage, and try as I might, it seems as though I - and this will be a surprise to absolutely no one that knows me - have an opinion on just about everything that has to do with the forthcoming nuptials.

It is no secret that I am inclined towards a conservative point of view, so it had surprised the heck out of me that I have chosen to project on to anyone that will care to listen - and less and less of these people exist each passing day - a rather un-conservative point of view on how my number #1 should manage her big day.

I have railed on about the stupidity of purchasing a traditional wedding dress. This in favor of going on a spree in Holt's, where she could buy a magnificent gown that she could wear at future 'formal' occasions; I am hopeful that she will not tread the path so well worn with respect to the way the wedding party dresses. The prospect of seeing her sister and the other 'attendants' standing all in a row dressed in Sea Foam Green makes me shudder.

I am - almost - baffled as to why I even give a hoot. It is Leigh's day after all, and what business is it of mine whether or not she wears one thing or another. I know that she will make a beautiful bride no matter what she wears.

Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's my way of compensating - for I know that I will be a tearful mess when the time comes.

The tears will primarily be of pride. And love. And - I'm embarrassed to say - of loss. Silly of me I know, but there you have it. Anyone reading this who has any insight into my make up will know that I am nothing, if not overwhelmingly sentimental.

And the tears will not just be about Leigh. My thoughts will be for Heather as well.

I will inevitably project my sense of loss on her also. Heather - my brain will insist - will be losing part of her sister. And, it's only a matter of time before some lucky - and foresightful - man will be asking for her hand as well. Christ, it seems like only yesterday that I was pretending to sleep when they would wake up in the middle of the night to be changed!

So there you have it ...  I am a man on the wrong side of the half way mark - scared to death.

Despite having cheated death once and paralysis twice; and despite the fact that intellectually I KNOW that life for me - at this precise moment -  should be wonderful - and all I seem to do is obsess about trivialities.

If I come out of this with my marriage intact it will not be because of me. Rather because I was so incredibly lucky that Marg said yes to me so many years ago (when I scared the shit out of my mother and father over the same issue). Marg and I were only 21. Liegh at least had the good sense to wait until she was 27. She would certainly have caused my heart to fail were she to be as foolish as her parents were back then.

I've vented enough for this entry. I will do my part. And I'll do it with as much grace as I can muster. And I'll do it medicated - no doubt. And, finally I hope I will do it in a fashion that will not cause either of my fantastic, beautiful children one moment of embarrassment.

Time for me to buy stock in Kimberly-Clark.

Au revoire!

Christmas 2009 - a memorable one it will be!

Well... another year has almost come and gone. It is incredible how fast time seems to fly these days despite not really having established my role in society, and the anxiety this has caused me lately. Kind of feel that this included picture says it all ... an open canvas ... beautiful, but some how frighteningly inaccessible. (This pic is of the Saw Grass of the Florida Everglades.)

The good news is that we are - mostly - healthy, and my kids are well on their intended paths. Heather to working in business, and Leigh as a doctor - given that all proceeds as well as it ha been for her in her quest to get accepted to med school. I will simply be amazed should this endeavor fail!

This morning we recieved a call from Leigh, who is in Barcelona for the holidays. She had great - and for a father inevitably terrible news - she has become engaged to her man Aaron.

I am in fact thrilled, as Aaron seem a great match for her, but it is yet one more step toward total independence for her - and ultimately Heather as they begin their own lives totally separated from Marg and me.

I guess I have been dreading this moment ever since I held Leigh, then Heather as infants. It is certainly true that daughters  hold unusually strong sway over a father's heartstrings. Though I did not cry with emotional overload today, nor when Aaron did Marg and I the considerable honor of asking for her hand, I can say that I have not fully processed the whole deal even though it has been almost a month since I have known.

Of course, it is to soon to know when their marriage will be held, nor where in the world they intend to hold it. I do hope that they do not fall prey to the considerable pressures of traditionalism. I don't honestly know how I would handle it should they opt to spend money on what - after all - is just a party lasting only a few hours. Life is difficult enough for this generation - the economy, costs for housing and education and the like - without frittering away money needlessly.

I am glad that my uncle Stewart is here, and able to share in the good news. This made all the more poignant, as my sister-in-law - Tara - lost her mother to cancer just a few days ago. So although none of Leigh's grandparents remain alive, at least one of that - perhaps the greatest generation - has been able to share her joy.

Heather seems genuinely pleased as Leigh has already asked her to be her Maid of Honor. Even though these two siblings fight like cats and dogs on occasion, I am happy - almost beyond belief - that they seem to have developed a very deep love for one another.  I cannot help observing that their relationship seems to have improved immeasurably since they stopped living together. Heather seems also to have found equilibrium with her man - James - a very nice young man she has been seeing on and off for a number of years. I would not surprise me if they did not some day declare themselves as well. Please though... not for a while. Dad needs time to let this first one sink in!

So in just the past month, Cathy - Marg's sister - turned 60; we lost Tara's mom, Leigh is engaged and we have learned of Heather's intention to move to Toronto once her MBA has been completed in April. Oh... and Leigh has learned of her first, all important, interview with St. Georges University Medical School. I can hardly keep up any more!

Tonight, we are all off to Tom and Tara's for Christmas dinner, No doubt it will be a little more subdued than normal given the circumstances, but with both my nieces under 12, their youthful exuberance should help buoy all our spirits.

To anyone out there that might be wasting your time actuall reading this drivel, Merry, Merry... and should this scribbler not get to it in time, have a safe and healthy 2010.